Saturday, June 27, 2009

Big Announcement

The very first time I met Tim I was dating his cousin. Yes, I know sounds crazy right? I remember thinking that he was super quiet and shy. During the year that I dated his cousin, I probably saw Tim about 15 times. Each time I seemed to like him more and more. Soon a crush developed. After a year together my relationship with his cousin ended. Who would have thought that 3 months after breaking up with my boyfriend that Tim and I would be talking????

Our first date was super sweet. I remember that we went up on the mountain to see the lights. Even though I knew that his family would have huge issues (because of his cousin) with us dating, I just knew that he was the one. Driving home that night I remember asking God for a sign. I asked him to play my fav song. You may not believe it, but it came on the radio about 5 minutes later. Doubt if you like, but I believe.

About 2 years into our relationship Tim began to have doubts. He has never had a long term relationship other than ours. Of course he had doubts. It was hard, but I knew that he had to go out with guys, and see other people. Otherwise, how would he know that we were suppose to be together? We spent a month apart (the longest month of my life) and he "played the field" so to speak. Then one night he was at one of our friend's houses. I walked in and my heart sank. I hadn't seen or even talked to him in so long. It was super hard to see him. When I got up to leave he followed me to my car. We sat for over an hour talking about our relationship and the future. By the end of the conversation he said that he was sure he wanted to come back.

He told me that he wasn't ready to get married, but one day we would. That was last March (2008). August 25th (3 yr anniversary) came and went with no engagement. No talk of engagement. Everyone else in the county was talking about our future, but not us.

you probably thought that this post was going to be me announcing our engagement. Actually I am announcing that after almost 4 years together, Tim and I have broken up.

Yes, I am hurt. Yes, I have cried until my eyes actually hurt. Yes, I am scared. Yes, I am mad. Yes, I understand.

No, the world isn't over. No, I won't be sitting at home crying. No, I will not be calling Tim to beg him back.

I will not be texting him either. At this time I am not answering or returning his calls or texts. Right now I think the best thing for us is to cut ties and let him do what he needs to do. Talking and texting would just be too hard.

I will be turning to God. I have complete faith in him and what he can do. God only gives us what we can handle and not a bit more. After some thought I have decided that God has a plan for us all. He made our plan long before we ever existed. We can do nothing to alter or change his plan. So why try? If Tim and I are meant to be together, God will put us back together. If not, then I know there is someone out there for me. He may not come along this minute or this month. It may be months or years before I meet him, but I have faith.

So what happened? Well the short version (believe me you want the short version) is that Tim feels like he will always wonder if he doesn't see what else is out there. He told me that he loved me, but he just has to do this. Even though I think he should have done this last March, I am trying to understand. As much as this hurts I honestly cannot blame him. He is trying to be an adult and do the right thing. I really think he is looking out for us both. I don't want him to do anything that he will regret later. Divorce isn't exactly on my to-do list. Tim is a very Godly man. I know that he will pray hard about this and listen to God. That gives me comfort.

My biggest hope is that Tim and I will be together forever. Sooner rather than later! However, all things happen for a reason and so I will be taking advantage of this time.

What next? I am still planning a beach trip even if I have to go alone. A week in the sun and sand will do me some good. Getting out of town for a few days will be wonderful!!!!! I really don't know what's next for me. I truly want to be happy and I want the same for Tim. I know that we will be whether we are together or not. God will take care of us both.

Talk about Tim and I if you want. I honestly don't care. Gossip if you feel the need, but you are the one looking childish. Tim and I are adults. As hard as the break up is, I know that it is for the best. The last thing I want is for us to get married, and him wake up in 20 years thinking he didn't date enough.

If you feel led, please pray for us. I am not praying for Tim and I to get back together. Instead I am simpling praying for strength to make it through the days, direction to make good decisions and that if it be the Lord's will we will be back together.

I want to thank you in advance for all the sweet comments you will be leaving. I know my followers and I know that you will be there for me. Thanks everyone.


Alexis said...

Oh, Tiff...I don't know what to say. If it's any consolation to you, Jared and I broke up for a while right after we started dating, and it was during that time that my whole perspective of him changed. I wouldn't say that I loved him that early on in the relationship, but I knew that I wanted to see if I could. I remember seeing him talking to another girl, though it was the farthest thing from romantic, and I realized how much I missed hearing him talk to me. I know you want God's will, and I'm not telling you this to make you think that you'll definitely be getting back together, but rather to confirm for you that God can and will work through this. I'll be praying for you.


Jessiecue said...

Sweetheart I know how hard this is on you. I am praying for you and if you need me for anything at all you know how to get ahold of me.

Melissa said...

Oh I am so sorry.. Breakups are never good.. But I agree with you on figuring this out before marriage. My parents are going through divorced and its hard on the kids and everyone, but its like my mom says you have to take the days you are given and make the best of them, even if your days are filled with negative. The smiles you see on all our faces are because we have chose to take this as a learning example not a burden. I am praying that Tim comes around and that you are meant to be together. But think of this as a blessing, if it doesn't work out you can find someone better.. Just pray and stay positive!

I'll keep praying..

Anonymous said...

All I can say is stay strong in your faith and if it's God's will, you two will be together! I'm praying for you both! Take care and God bless!

Jessica and Michael said...

I'm really sorry that you are having a rough time and there is nothing that can be said to make you feel any better. All you can do is try and stay strong and stay busy to keep your mind off things. (Sooo much easier said than done, I know!)

Kimberly said...

Definitely praying

Miss Sweet Tea said...

I'm so sorry! But you are being so brave about everything!! A similar thing happened with me {I was my ex's first serious relationship} and he said the same thing about wanting to see what's out there. You are so right in cutting all ties for now and I admire your strength in being able to do that!! You have a great attitude - God does have a plan and everything will work out!!